SUGAR ADDICT!!!!

I'm sorry, but this is something VERY HEAVY on my mind so I need to get these thoughts out of my head ASAP!!! I am a SUGAR ADDICT in EVERY sense of the word!! I cannot do ANYTHING without thinking of where I'm gonna get my next sugar fix.. I can't sit here at work and WORK without grabbing a quick "snack size" snickers from the front desk counter bowl, which turns into NEEDING MORE and then walking down about 3 or 4 times in an hour to get another "Snack size" chocolate bar, whether it be Reeses, Hershey's, Snickers, Milky Way, Butterfinger, M&M's, or any of the other tempting chocolates staring me in the face I think to myself "it's ok Loni - it's only a SNACK SIZE so just grab ONE and have that be it for the day" - Who can eat just ONE?? REALLY??? Who am I kidding?? BLAST the candy bowl for calling my name on an hourly basis.. BLAST me for being WEAK.. BLAST my sugar cravings that don't EVER let up.. BLAST the person that invented CHOCOLATE.. BLAST my genes for not allowing me to eat whatever I want and still be skinny..

I am "Trying out" this diet thing and it seems like anytime I try diets, FOOD is the only thing that is EVER on my mind!! Hence this post.. When I diet I can't even STOP thinking about food and junk. This is why I am saying NO MORE DIETING for me.. It's MENTAL!! It is really a HUGE problem, because I start out doing SO WELL in the daytime and then I get home and I BINGE like crazy!! I end up devouring EVERYTHING in sight until it's GONE so I can't get to it anymore!! Gone.. as in.. IN MY BELLY!! I'm sorry if this post is making you puke a little in your mouth, I puke a little when I sit at night and think about all the crap I ate that day. That's another thing.. I don't "get sick" from eating too much sugar!! I just DON'T, maybe if I DID I would stop or eat less.. It just doesn't happen, and if I HAPPEN TO do really well for a few days I don't "get sick" from falling off the wagon again and eating 5 lbs of sugar in one sitting.. I hear people say "When I go without sugar for awhile I get sick eating it again" - That just DOESN'T happen to me!! My body is completely IMMUNE to sugar! Really!! Who eats DESSERT before DINNER?? ME!!!! The other reason I can't diet is because it's SO BORING!! I'm not happy because I don't have my sugar fix and I'm constantly thinking of WHAT I'm eating, rather than just enjoying what I put in my mouth. When I'm attempting a "lifestyle change" and I'm sitting at home eating my tasteless chicken and brown rice with non-buttered veggies I almost wanna cry when my family is eating their smothered bbq ribs and pasta covered ALFREDO sauce (my favorite) with oh so yummy french bread toasted and buttered beyond perfection!! It's not fair..

I'm so sorry and I don't mean to offend those that are good at eating healthy and still happy.. I WISH I WAS!! I envy people that can look the other way when passing a "chocolate bowl" and not partake. I envy those that order off the "on the lighter side" part of the menu at restaurants. I envy those that can stick to a diet for longer than 3 days. I envy those that don't eat their kids leftovers. I envy those that "snack" on vegetables. I envy those that "cringe" at the sight of fast food. I envy those that get "sick" when they consume large amounts of sugar. I envy those that LOVE to eat healthy. Thank you for being a good example to me, however, I cannot follow!!

Moral of the story: I cannot diet. It's mental. I binge. MUST workout.